Those were the words tumbling out of my mouth on Wednesday morning as I attempted to cram a day of homeschooling into a short 1 hour available before we were to go walking with the Lagos Strollers. 2 short days later, I received an email from a friend preparing herself and her boat to make the crossing to Europe in May. The two experiences happening within 48 hours of each other got me thinking of the transient nature of our emotions and how often we are (or can be) lead to drastic measures by the feelings that threaten to overwhelm us.
Going back to the Algebra lesson on Wednesday – as a teacher and a mom I made several mistakes but it wasn’t the single event which caused the insane reaction from me but rather the culmination of days of frustrations building up to it. Failing to maintain a mindfulness practice, coupled with Alec and I failing to maintain the standards of discipline for our family is really what went sideways here. Alec and I have been secretly feeling the slightest tinges of guilt over taking Jack away from his friends and all that he is familiar with at home and dragging him on our dream with us. These feelings became exacerbated by the arrival of Halloween and the uncertainty that we would make it on time to celebrate with other kids and then arriving with little time to spare to integrate us into the new community we are calling home for the next 6 months. Even still, we both feel strongly that this is a better life for him (and absolutely for us). Still, parents just feel guilt. Moms in particular – just feel guilt. And sometimes we act out of those feelings rather than from the place of love and peace and center that we should act from often without even realizing it. Only after Alec and I having a serious heart to heart over what was going on were we both able to discern where we went wrong. Chief among them, our failure to acknowledge those feelings to each other when we felt them and working through them consciously before sub-consciously allowing us to loosen our standards or change our discipline which only resulted in things escalating to the point that a dropped pencil caused the cascade of events which lead to our undoing on Wednesday. Truly at the end of the proverbial rope, I decided that I had tried as hard as I could to homeschool – I give up! Its time to send him to school. Im pretty disappointed in myself that I wasn’t able to walk away from the volatile situation I had put us into and Im also disappointed that I wasn’t able to see how far we have come and how hard Jack has worked – how hard all of us have worked – for the privilege of living this life around the world. But I just was too close to the situation.
Few people are as fortunate as I am to have an Alec by their side as they sort through life’s challenges but mercifully, God has seen fit to give me this husband of mine who can, in every situation, remain calm, centered and provide the voice of reason necessary to get distance. Distance is exactly what was needed. So we went on the 13 Kilometer hike. A hike that I can hardly remember for the prayers, breathing and deep sadness that I felt on that day. I had felt like a complete and total failure. I had failed my son – the greatest job I have ever had – by not being able to homeschool as I had hoped I could. I had given up. I – never – give up! But I had given up! I just didn’t think I could do it one more single day. Knowing as I do that no matter how grim the circumstances, praying, breathing and remaining open to God’s path ALWAYS makes the path clear, I put one foot in front of the other and continued along the 13 K journey. So part of the guilt of what I was feeling was that until we arrived in Lagos, Jack hasn’t really had too many opportunities at friendship. He has made 2 wonderful friends since arriving here but my guilt was over this issue primarily so when we walked past the school and all of the children were outside playing and laughing, I would have thought that the answer most certainly MUST be a return to the school yard for Jack and the end of my homeschooling woes but NO – the weirdest thing happened. I felt crushing -CRUSHING sadness looking at all of the children playing. This was ABSOLUTELY NOT the right path for us. Alec insisted that he and Jack had come up with a plan – I was to take a week off. No school for Mom. And Jack had it all sorted and under control. He had solved the problem and he was taking action.
The same day as the crushing disappointment in the Algebra school work, I received an email from a friend at home (THANK YOU MIKE STETSON!!!!). He had seen a report about the Khan Academy. I took a look at it and even though I was removed from school duty for the week I did some research. Turns out I had looked at this about a year ago but for whatever reason, we went in a different direction with Math. Also, I met a new friend in the marina who has homeschooled her 8 year old from day 1. She had a ton of resources that she shared with me and provided a much needed voice of reason while our 2 children took their Portuguese lesson together. I gave Alec and Jack the computer and the Khan Academy webpage all set up for his work. HE LOVED IT!!! This completely takes us out of the teaching loop on Math. We can simply oversee his work but he can click on a video to explain any concept he is unclear on or to explain any question he doesn’t understand. He can learn from award winning TEACHERS!!! Not retired pilots who, but for their love of their son, would NEVER be teaching anything to anyone!!!! So, funny how information comes to you at precisely the right moment that you most desperately need it right?! Thank you God!!!
Which brings me to the email that I received this morning from our friend at home. She is exactly where we were last year in terms of preparing to leave. All of the questions, all of the minutia, all of the uncertainty and the restlessness of our year of preparation came flooding back. I gave Alec the email to read since I knew my explaining it would fail miserably in doing it justice and suddenly after this incredibly challenging week of uncertainty and insecurity we were full of so much gratitude for how far we have traveled on this road together as a family, as a couple and as individuals.
Sometimes we all just need to take a broader look at our lives and get out of the myopia of the moment to see the greater accomplishments.
SO I DON’T QUIT!!!!!
No I don’t quit! We are continuing to home school and we are doing so with a renewed commitment and a few more resources at our finger tips. And we are looking both back and forward at the lessons learned behind us and the dreams, and challenges yet before us.
The Trip South from Jersey to Vigo, SP
We waited and we waited and were finally rewarded with a lovely opportunity to leave Jersey, the Channel Islands and while we thought we would likely have to tuck in on the South side of the Bay of Biscay, we were able to continue South to near Vigo, Spain.
We had a 4 day 3 night passage and while I think we could have continued, our trusty weather routers at Commanders suggested we should tuck in for the passage of a front. Never one to push things – we did as advised. We were there only for 2 nights and 1 full day before continuing on. While in Biona we had an enormously fun day of playing on the playground, walking about town and, …… trying to find food. Note to earlier diners and families out there, if you like to dine before 9 pm, this is not the city for you. Some restaurants don’t open for dinner until 1100 PM!!!!! Those of you who know us can see the problem here. We are typically IN BED by 8:30 so eating at 9:00 is not an option – we would rather starve! We went back to Gratitude for a reasonably timed meal and saved our meal out for lunch the following day. We all ordered from the menu at a darling little restaurant but none of us really knew what we were going to be served. Pleasantly surprised, we all had a nice meal and a happy memory buoyed with hopes for our new home the next country South, Portugal.
Two days after our arrival we departed on the advice of Commanders Weather. We had our doubts, watching the wind all around us but they haven’t let us down yet so we just crossed fingers that the wind would die down and we wouldn’t encounter anything too severe once we were out of the protection of the coast. With our trusty stabilizers working like never before and winds topping at force 8/9 we made our way South.
What made the ride more uncomfortable was that the period between the waves (which were only 6-8 feet) was short at only about 5 seconds. Jack and I (and even Alec) took the Stergeron and thankfully we all did fine. Amazing – Jack didn’t even think there was anything at all going on outside our boat. Alec and I just had fingers crossed it would improve with time and about 24 hours later, we were in lovely conditions for the remainder of the trip. Following the Spain and Portugal coastlines was fantastic. I never knew how mountainous the coast line was and it was a stunning adventure all the way to our new winter home.
Arriving in Lagos, Portugal
We couldn’t have been more excited to see the town which we had heard so very much about. Lining the Avenida were cute little tents and markets and the weather was gorgeous.
We have been in Lagos, Portugal (The Algarve) for 2 weeks and in that time we have joined the walking group that meets on Wednesdays, takes a bus to some distant city and walks for 12-15 Kilometers. Each week the walk is different and each week the participants change. At anytime there are between 20-50 walkers though I believe we three are going to be regulars. We all love it and the homeschooling problems notwithstanding, Jack (we all) learn a lot on these adventures.
Just last week some participants shared with Jack some berries that the locals convert to moonshine, they showed Jack which tree produces cork – a huge export here and the material from which most of the local artisanal crafts are made. They taught us that the cork trees are protected but that the cork must be harvested to keep the tree healthy. It is those harvests which produce all of the corks and bags and crafts we see in town. Jack learned about a poisonous caterpillar and then did follow up research on it afterward and taught us all about it. Julie shared with Jack while following horse tracks that the front hooves are actually larger than the back hooves and then they talked about how to shoe a horse. So it turns out that we really have found our new little village and this new little village is helping us parent and teach as well.
We met another family, Cress, Gary and Charlotte. Charlotte is 8 years old and takes Portuguese lessons on Thursday with Jack. We met Max’s family who are living aboard their sail boat and Jack and Max have become fast friends and even have a sleep over planned for tonight. Charlotte’s mom, Cress is the angel who kept me from losing my mind earlier this week and we have found fast friends in all of them.
We have found an absolutely amazing farmers market. This is the market to end all markets! Last week we ambled over at 11:00 – way too late – It was (in Irish vernacular) JAMMERS! But this week I made it over closer to 0800 and enjoyed a busy but still manageable shopping experience. There were bread makers who had just ground the wheat and millet yesterday. Their are fruits and veg and pastry and sauces and every imaginable legume, olive, etc… This is RIGHT across the street from where we are docked.
Other highlights of our locale are the grocery stores, the adorable town area where performers entertain nightly, the bus station across the street, thousands of restaurants (all you can eat sushi last night for 12E) and the train station a short walk away. We are taking the train to see our niece Maura later this month (the weekend after Thanksgiving) and we have taken the bus a few times already.
Above are the pictures from Halloween. As you can see we worried for naught! Jack made his costume – the drummer from KISS. His face is an exact copy if you google Cat Man you will see the effort I put into his makeup! HAHAHAHA. We made cookies and we made cupcakes. Alec and Jack carved the pumpkin and we got a bunch of kids together to watch a bubble entertainer from our dock – Thanks Edge and Rebecca! You guys are great!!! Several restaurants and boats participated in the largely American tradition of Trick or Treat and a great time was had by all!
And finally Jack has been getting time on his beloved Shark Bite (Jack’s little boat). Below are a few shots but the big highlights are that this week he was able to start the engine from cold all by himself and he is nearly ready for his first solo! What is much more awesome though is the difference between last year and this year in terms of his desire and ability. HE WANTS to learn how to run his own boat and he is nearly ready! Dad (and Mom) couldn’t be any more proudD
Thanks for reading! We love and miss you